The Mumsnet Rules is a big purple book (Tom commented that it looked a bit like the Bible), full of loads of parenting advice, tips, and anecdotes taken from postings on the site.
I have never been onto the Mumsnet website, I feel blogging has always given me everything I've needed in terms of an online parenting release/therapy. So I must admit that I felt irritated at the patronising and unnecessary jibe at blogging mums on the first page: '...when do they find the time and how bored must they be to write these blogs? Why do they never post about their bad days? But let them blog - we all have to get through the day somehow' - I personally don't see that there is a whole lot of difference between a mum who posts on a blog and a mum who posts on Mumsnet. As for never posting about bad days... well, I thought that's what mum blogs were for, to let off steam about the horrors of parenthood.
Having said that, I did think that on the whole the book was well-observed, funny, refreshing, and at times informative. The general vibe of this book is: don't beat yourself up about not being the perfect cake-baking parent, don't sweat the small stuff like whether your baby has reached her 6-week smiling milestone, do what you want to do, and don't worry about what other parents think - as they quite rightly point out: 'you are not six'.
The following sections (for example) struck a chord and I found myself nodding in agreement wholeheartedly:
You don't have to go to baby groups - I forced myself to go to baby groups when Betty was a baby; mums and tots, baby yoga, water babies etc, and hated every minute of it. I came to my senses with the arrival of Dolly, who is now two, and consciously made the decision to never put myself through the same pain again - she has never been to a group in her life.
It's OK to do controlled crying - I have always been a believer in controlled crying, and children thriving on routine - as a way of keeping everyone in the household happy and sane. I used to be embarrassed to admit this, but again, when Dolly was born, I sang it from the roof-tops.
Avoid loud (otherwise known as performance) parenting - this made me laugh, because as much as I hate it, I often catch myself doing it 'Yes Betty, you are absolutely right, that leaf HAS fallen from an Oak tree... and WHAT ELSE falls from an Oak tree?'. And I know a few people, one in particular, who is a fine culprit for performing loudly and relentlessly for their public, and it can be cringeworthy: 'Yes, you can have that one sweetie, as a SPECIAL TREAT. Then you will be having lots of lovely free-range organic brocolli later for supper, won't you?' And so on.
And the section 'You don't have to have family meals' almost changed my view on this. I have always believed that it is important for a family to all sit down and have lunch or supper together, as a social thing, and as a time to share stories of the day etc. Yeah right. This rarely happens, specially with small kids. Mealtimes can be excruciatingly painful, with arguments, tears, telling-offs, and food not being eaten. So as the book points out, why bother?
I would have found this book much more useful about four years ago, when Betty was a baby - the things discussed in this book would have felt more current and relevant, in what was then a crazy, sleep-deprived, daunting baby existence. By the time you have had two (or more) children, through bitter experience, you learn, or work out most of this stuff for yourself, and you naturally stop caring so much, thus making you a far more relaxed and seasoned parent. Having said that, I have a child who is about to start school, and so I found the section on starting school informative and helpful - and to avoid the whole school gates bitchiness and the fear of being pointed at for being too fat and not driving a 4x4, I shall send Betty on the bus.
The book is packed full of rules and advice, some of which I agree with and some of which I don't. As with all these guide books, what is right for one child/parent isn't necessarily right for another. However, this book has the advantage of being laugh-out-loud funny, unsentimental, and it keeps it real.
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